Loving the Lost Baby

I have to tell you honestly, that this is extremely difficult for me to write, but it is also something that I feel that I need to write.  Unfortunately there are many women who will have the need to read this page. 

I became a mother the day that I discovered that I was pregnant.  I suddenly had the responsibility of caring for my own pregnant body, and caring for that tiny life that was growing inside.  I began taking my pre-natal vitamins, I did toning exercises, I ate properly, I rested when I needed to rest.  Everything about my lifestyle began to adapt to that growing child.  The baby became a member of our family on the day that we learned that I was pregnant.  I remember, when I was a little girl,  my father commenting to his friend that he felt as if the unborn baby was a little life, a tiny person, from the moment he learned of my mother's pregnancy.  I also remember my husband commenting about feeling connected to our unborn baby, and I was only 6 weeks pregnant at the time.   So too, women, mothers, feel great love and attachment to the baby they are carrying.  The attachment begins at the start of the pregnancy.

Many will agree with me, but also comment that you just can't understand the pain of the loss of a baby if it hasn't happened to you.  I can sympathize with you, I can feel the loss, I have lost many babies, and it's the hardest thing in the world to admit.  Becoming a mother meant so much to me, and each time the realization set in that it just wasn't time for my little one to come into the world I was just devastated.  It didn't matter if a couple of days had passed or weeks had passed since the positive pregnancy test, it was still absolutely devastating for me.  I wanted to hold my baby, I wanted to nurse him, cuddle him, love him, and he just wasn't ready to be born.  Of course, finally having a son after seven long and desperate years, I have been able to fulfill my need of nurturing a baby.  I can only pray that every mother that experiences the loss of a child will someday be given the opportunity to nurture her own infant.

In our society there just isn't enough support out there for women who have lost a baby.  Most think that the feelings just disappear, maybe blaming the despair on hormones, telling you that you'll feel better in a few days, and the pain is minimized or even completely ignored.  Many women don't even tell anyone what they have gone through because they feel that they won't be taken seriously or understood.  Women end up dealing with these incredible emotions in solitude.  It's hard enough to go through this loss, and the lack of support only makes it more difficult.

I hope that by telling you my story, you will be able to take the steps that you need to take in order to begin your healing process.

Here is a note that I received from one of our viewers.  She asks to tell how she overcame her grief.

I lost two little boys each one when I was four months pregnant and two more children between my daughter and my son.  The last two were specifically hard because I wanted more babies.  It took eight years and a whole lot of soul searching to try to figure out what I could have done differently.  The one thing that got me through this time was what my grandmother had said to me.  She said when a family looses a child in utero it was because God had an urgent need for another angel and chose your "little one" for His special mission.  What a sense of pride swept over me when she told me that.  The pain is still there but seemed a bit easier knowing my special child was chosen above all He could have picked.


Reading for Comfort and Healing:





Baby Wearing


Infant Sign Language

Natural Infant Hygiene (Diaper-Free)


Bilingual Infancy

Instinctive Mothering

Loving the Lost Baby

Working from Home


EC Open Crotch Pants

Baby Sling

Face Kushes, Chiropractic/Massage Towels